I fixed the header! All is well.

You can improve the humor of almost ay situation by injecting a weasel into it. – Dave Barry

So, gravity was either nonexistent or overly existent. – KJ

You’re confusing me…so you ought to go to bed. – KJ

Don’t get on your high horse if you can’t take the smell. – Ray Romano

A lion vs a guy isn’t a duel. It’s just a lion eating a guy. – KJ

With Mark gone there wouldn’t be anyone around to make booze out of potentially cancer causing berries. – Paul

If I don’t come home covered head to toe in fake blood then I haven’t done my job as a horror director. – Eli Roth

Every time I’m here someone is eating something that freaks me out. – Goodlett

I’m a man of many skills and talents. – Todd L.

Gay porn title: Open Flame

Pierre the Russian

“Relephant” – A relevant elephant.

Some kiddies like the jugs. – Lindsay

If I’m to the point that I’m Russian then yeah, I’m drunk. – Lindsay

I’ll do whatever you say, just get that death weiner away from me! – Announcer on The Simpsons

Hell, I even thought I was dead ‘till I found out that it was just that I was in Nebraska. – Gene Hackman, Unforgiven.

Leave it to you to have a dream featuring a psycho. – Katie

If I manage to kill a big monster or the mob I’ll let you know. – KJ

Cool in a psychotically masterful way. – JC (Regarding my dreams.)

If you think for one moment I don’t have the balls to send a man out to die your instincts are dead wrong. – M, Goldeneye (Judi Dench)

Why can’t you just be a good boy and die? – Sean, Goldeneye

I am my own set of Three Stooges. – Katie

I blame the Jello. – Katie

The chair is eating me and it’s just gonna get ugly. – Katie

My face is unhappy. – Mom

Men are never a mysterious as women wish they were. – Grissolm, CSI

Lesbian porn title: Butch Wax (also a hair product)

It’s time for me to bend over and receive my destiny. – Bart S.

I shouldn’t even be driving. I’m surprised I made it here without hitting any children or Mexicans. – Sheena

I haven’t been schnockered on Cream Soda in so long. – Katie

How do you get Canadian money is the middle of Kansas? – Katie

Bond…..Green Bond. (In progress.)

Heil hotdog. – Katie

Welcome to the French Whore House! – Judy

This is all sweet or I’d throw it at you! – Katie

There are some days where a mandolin just sounds right. – Katie

I may be small but I have three stomachs. – Katie

My suitcase is full of yarn. – Katie

I don’t know what it was…. You said something and I snorted and regurgitated brownie… - Katie

The brownie is just really funny right now. – Katie

I just got corned. – KJ

There has to be at least one accordion or it’s just not a good party. – Katie @ 4:20 AM.

There you go. Cyber molestation. Better than nothing. – Eddie O.

Why are you taking tea to England? - Mark